Candy Floss Superiority Department (Fiction)

 

E –   Tell me a story

Make one up, now

 

D –    Now? okay

A 25 year old man enters in some office

some appointment

he asks people around

where is the concerned person?

but nobody could hear him

 

E –     Okay..Dumb?

 

D –    he has his voice

he is leaving sound waves in the air

to travel to the ears

of those

who are working like labors

in ties and sweaters

but nobody seems to listen

or bother

if he is there or not

 

E –    then what?

 

D –    he goes to a different floor

he moves around

asks everyone

people could see him

he is no ghost

but still

 

E –    Why then?

 

D –    he just could not find

the concerned person

 

E –    Ohh..that is bad

 

D –    he goes from one cubicle to another

he goes on to different floors

This office is like a labyrinth of cubicles and cabins, he thinks

 

E –    Ohh…Yeah.. I had been to such office once

 

D –    Its almost like a maze, he screams

 

E –    Then.. if no one can hear him, how is he going

to look for the concerned person?

 

D –    thoughts of jumping out of the window of this maze-like office

starts creeping up in his tiny brain

but he can’t find neither a window nor the exit now

he becomes a little desperate

he starts screaming

the name of the concerned person

Dr. Lobotomy…Dr. Lobotomy

 

E –    Ohh..he is brave…

 

D –    yeah, but he didn’t mean to, just a reflex action

Caused out of boredom

he shouts, cries, screams

nothing happens

he goes to the washroom

 

E –    Bravery…from boredom maybe..

 

D –    perhaps

he goes to the washroom and suddenly he

checks the name tag of the person

who is standing in the next urinal

beside him

name tag says – Dr. Lobotomy

in mental confusion

he starts sneezing

and in between his sneezes

he confirms if he is the same Dr. Lobotomy

 

E –    What..Okay..go on..

 

D –    Are you Dr. Lobotomy, the head of the ‘Candy Floss Superiority Department

 

E –    Nice name for a Department

 

D –    How do you know?, Dr. Lobotomy says

 

E –    He found the same person, just like that?

 

D –    yes,

he says, I am Dr. Lobotomy but

Please don’t tell this to anyone

No one knows, they all think that

I am the person who comes and

Uses the urinal for free everyday at exact 16:16

 

E –    16:16, not bad

 

D –    Mr Lobotomy, pleasure to meet you Sir

I am A. Dementia, I am doing my QhE thesis on

The relationship between Chronic Constipation

and depressed desperation

We have an appointment, Sir

But before you say anything

I need to count all the Urinals of this office

It’s a part of the research and then only

I will come to your cabin, if you have any

 

E –    But I am bored, can you introduce a female?

 

D –    Female? Okay

Dr. Lobotomy says..come to my cabin

its after the second last cabin

but, mind you, its not the last cabin

 

E –    Dementia says ok

but Mr Lobotomy tells him

that you have to show my secretaries

that you are worth it, worth the appointment,

or else they won’t allow you in

 

D –    How many secretaries will be there? Dementia Asks

 

E –    Let me guess, Four?

 

D –    No, Dr. Lobotomy tells him that

He has been attacked by Lemurs from the east

On the last ‘World Lisp Day’

When he was writing his report

On the erosion of the fertile soil of Kalingpong

And sedimentary rocks gathered by cocks of cockney

So On Wednesday, he hired blonde squint

Twins from Toronto, who were working

as body doubles of each other

in a television show based on Freak Show Artists

 

E –    Dr. Lobotomy is a freak

 

D –    Dr. Lobotomy tells him that his

Secretaries will tell him their names

And his job will be to remember their names

If he makes a single mistake

They will tie him up with the photocopy machine

Which doesn’t work

They have their own peculiarities, he tells dementia

 

E –    Those twins, if I picture them in my mind, they look tragic

 

D –    Yes, they are tragic,

after 13 minutes

When A. Dementia reaches the mentioned cabin

He notice, two girls, one Chinese looking

And one Afro-American

Talking over the phone and typing something

In the computer and laughing, simultaneously

And they both have blonde hair

He gathers that they must be the Twins

Twins look at him and smile

Dementia tells them that

He has an appointment with Dr. Lobotomy

And they tell him their names

Clara and Klara

He memorizes the difficult names

And asks them if he can go in and see Dr. Lobotomy

 

E –    very difficult names, indeed.

 

D –    Both Clara and Klara look at Dementia

And give him a mile long smile

And they tell him, in chorus

“But before going in

Take this form and fill in

Our names and say

That you are not in dismay

And you are proud

That you are a part of the crowd”

 

E –    I think they lied to Dr. Lobotomy, about their previous professions

they sound like Chorus Singers

 

D –    Dementia carefully writes two names

Lara and Lara

And writes other gory details

About his sad childhood

And how he had his last wisdom tooth removed

 

E –    Good, then..

 

D –    Blonde twins take the form from him

And without reading it Clara burns the form

With one click of her lighter

And pushes a button which automatically opens the door

With a bronze name plate saying

Dr. Lobotomy – Head of the Candy Floss Superiority Department

Dementia goes inside and shakes hands with Dr. Lobotomy

Dr. Lobotomy tells him

That his department has not achieved

Whatever they intended to achieve

And it has become insubstantial and unyielding

From the last Saturday

And there is nothing which could be done

To save the dying department

 

E –    Don’t tell me that Dr. Lobotomy wants Dementia to head his department..

 

D –    No, Dr. Lobotomy gives him a Document which says

“If someone eats this piece of paper

The department of Candy Floss Superiority

Will disappear from the face of the earth

The very same moment”

 

E –    oh crap..

 

D –    And Dementia takes the document

In his hands

And

Dr. Lobotomy starts screaming

The Horror!! The Horror!!

Dementia places the piece of paper in front of his opened mouth

and..

THE END

 

E –    I knew it.

..

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