Monthly Archives: February 2013

Why/How Cormac McCarthy’s – The Road – scared me

If you have read the book..let me help you reach the level of disgust which you have, I bet, not yet achieved.

Do you remember the scene where this Man and his Son are hidden in the bushes and they see three men and one pregnant woman passing by…and some moments later they find out that what they were trying to cook was their own infant baby? Do you remember that??

Well, I only remember those things from the book which kind of scared me so badly that I could not eat anything for exact three days. Yes, when I thought about those people who had no choice but to eat their own new born infant, I kind of leaked one or two tears from my psychological eyes.


Yes.. when I asked from my inner self that if that kind of thing can actually happen or if there is any possibility of that kind of thing happening.. I got a reverberated answer with millions of ‘YES’ess’.

What MORALITY are we talking about ha??

I know that when you will have nothing to eat, you will eat your own soul, those body parts can not fill your stomach by the way…and the best part is, we all know that.

I had this dream once..I was walking in this crazy park, there was no one around..I was all alone.. all I could see was…bones..some belonged to humans…some belonged to birds or animals..I could not tell…but that whole park was filled with bones…so there was greenery all around and on the grass-bed..there were bones..I kept on walking and walking and walking…I was wearing my brown gum boots…I remember that I was wearing my favorite shoes..they were made of rough leather and they somehow made me feel powerful..made my every single step on that grass, powerful..So….I kept on walking…I kept on crushing those bones..they were mixed bones…bones of humans and birds and animals and everything..decayed…I could hear the sound, the crackle..I don’t remember what I was doing there, or if I was going somewhere..all I remember was that that I kept on walking for a very long time.. after sometime, when I got tired, I stopped..I got hungry and thirsty..I started licking and eating those bones..they were hard and dry but still I tried to suck and bite them.. and that is when I woke up.

This book called ‘The Road’ is not talking about some post-apocalyptic scenario.. this book is talking about our very own sweet-looking Present…and when I say ‘present’, I don’t mean the gift..I mean the TENSE…yes stay tensed because if you try to go deep in the meaning, the meaning is capable to suck you in.

So that brings us/me to this golden question of Why am I trying to exaggerate the horrors of this book?..well, I have got my very own personal reasons..You want to know?.. of course…okay.. here we go..

The conversations in this book between the father and the son are brisk and emotion-less..You can not call them Dialogues, they are just necessities.

Imagine.. that you have no extra words, all you can talk about is if you are hungry or sleepy or thirsty or not..Imagine how the world would look like when we have no extra things to talk about..the conversations will be like – “Hey, I am hungry”..”Oh good, eat”

Okay I am not worried about the limitations of the words, if you ask me I am not even worried about the vocabulary that much..I am worried about the death of the desire to share things with each other..I agree that I hate ‘people’ but that is a very personal thing, I like sharing thoughts or words or emotions or expressions but..this book tells you that you will be living in this world where if you share anything you will loose your life..that is amazing, isn’t it?

You should not have any thoughts..only good things which you can feel should be there in your imagination..they could never be real.

When I was reading this book, I stumbled on those pages where the Man and the Son, accidently lands up in this house where they find out that there are so many naked people trapped in this haven..they somehow manage to escape that place but..what was the fate of those people? what happened to them later?? noone knows..they were powerless and poor and naked and starving.. they became dinner of the powerful people for all I can imagine..

See, cannibalism is not a thing which is disturbing me here, I am talking about the degradation and the decomposition of your so called structure of the society.

That Man and his Son, they are trying to reach on this beach where the sea water is black and the path is dangerous..the Man thinks that there is hope there, later he dies, ofcourse, but why he pursued that journey..nobody knows..

The son is the personification of some angel from heaven..he can’t see the bad things, he cries when he fails in helping someone..he has got problems with accepting the harsh realities of the times he is living in..

The Man or the Father knows that he cannot escape the reality, he has got recurring dreams of things which he always desired or his mental consciousness..but deep down he knows that whatever he does..he is bound to fail and die…he knows that he can only protect his son till his death but he is scared of whatever might happen with his son when he dies..he is scared that people might sodomize or eat his son..since there are almost no women left in this post-apocalyptic world. He teaches his son to shoot himself in the mouth.

I thought of living for few hours in this world and when I was walking on that road.. I got caught, twice, and people ate my fingers and toes and ears and nose..I could not stop them..they were so hungry and they were about to die..I felt that I somehow did ‘GOOD’..but what is GOOD or BAD in that world?? and that is the exact problem which we are facing now…I am confused..what is good now?? or what is bad?? If I am bothering someone for someone else’s good…is that bad? or if someone is bothering that bad??

You can twist and twirl the meaning of the good or the just have to mould it in a manner that it will come off as GOOD FOR YOU kind of thing..The Road projects that..that book shows you the emptiness of the world where we are trying to live can disturb anyone for atleast two days and three nights ..and when you forget about the book and its will know that you can never forget what all was there in the book..After reading the book, all I can say is..May God Rehabilitate Humankind!




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An error

“I regret”

Is what I read..

When the kiss

became an error



moist breath

tangy sweat



succinct touch

colloquial eyelash



alluring eyes

smudge like smiles



scattered knickknacks

hiss-like mutters

silent pink lips

mouth cleaned gutter


She was an error

in the game of


her demeanour an error

her mockery an error


Antithesis was she,

her kiss

profound gravity!



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End of the World

In those days I was not doing anything in my life except sitting at home and doing nothing. I remember, I used to wake up in the morning and first thing I used to do was, I used to pick up a place in my house and sit there for the rest of the day, doing nothing, staring randomly and breathing abruptly. I would occasionally move but just for very essential human needs, very natural biological acts. It was a kind of very personal experiment which I was trying to do where I would just sit and observe the vibes and the flow of the world around. I would sit and hear a lot of distant noises and voices. It was never a contemplative or a meditative thing, it was just an attempt to become the wisp of the undifferentiated nothingness. I wanted to know what would happen if I stop doing any action, as they say every action has an equal and opposite reaction, I wanted to prove them wrong, I wanted to see what nothingness could do and what I could do with nothingness. I was living alone and I had not a single person who would disturb me while I was doing my very-personal experiment thing.

It took me a little while to get into the whole thing. For first few days I kept on thinking about all those things which a normal person would think but later I became the master, as if I found out how to deactivate the part of my brain which had thoughts and regrets and cravings and remorse and anger and happiness and depression and fear and libido and other trivial mundane things. After few days it became very simple for me, I would sit blankly for hours and hours with a blank stare and a blank face and blank gaze. After some days there was no hunger and thirst and then there was no sleep. I was not even getting weak, in fact I was getting stronger and healthier day by day. I didn’t know how it was happening but nothingness made me very healthy. The hair on my body stopped growing and the growth of my nails also stopped. I had no idea what I was doing or actually not doing but I kept on doing it for seventy three days. On the seventy forth day, I stopped doing it.

That was the day I felt I was the one…the one who was chosen for the task..the task of…ending the world.

That day, from the very first blink of my eye, I could sense the fear around me. Everything around, every single organism.. kind of started asking for mercy. I didn’t want to do anything but everything around me was asking for it. I was chosen for the task, they all knew it.

I went to the washroom and I saw six rats, drowned in my toilet and they all looked happy. They committed suicide.

A lot of birds started crashing themselves on my glass windows. They all lost their sight, they all got blinded and they wanted to come to me and finish themselves, they also wanted to commit suicide.

I could hear the whole world crying, dogs, animals, birds.

I could hear the crumbling of all the buildings.

I could hear the noise of thunder.

It took a while but later everything stopped making sound and I went out.



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The longest pee I ever had

It was somewhere in the middle of some month…when I started peeing…

I remember I was standing in front of this very cute wall…that wall was very yellow…the kind of yellow which kind of blends in with the color of your own pee…yes…I know its kind of disgusting in a pervert-ish way but let me tell you it is NOT…..that wall had some patterns, I can’t remember them exactly but it seemed as if someone had hand-painted them.

I remember, I was looking up at the was also a little bit yellow but in a melancholic way…as if the sky wanted to say something to me…something very funny…something which had the schoolboy humor in it…I could see or sense the schoolboy grin on the face of the yellowish sky..the sky had all the sad stars on if all the stars wanted to fall…they were just dangling there…let me tell you that ‘dangling’ is not a very nice thing to do…but all those stars, they kept on doing it..they dangled as if they were on some kind of punishment..

I kept on looking at the sky while listening to the sound of the pee-stream…I know its disgusting but somehow it sounded really beautiful…after all it was my own pee-sound…it sounded like mozart to me…or some other classical music…like thousand violins, played on thousand small pebbles…at some moment I thought I was listening to Ella Fitzerald’s Summertime…but it was just my own pee-sound..and the sight of the dangling stars on the yellowish sky…it was sheer beauty…I must be fairly drunk (of course), that’s the reason I kept on peeing..I could hear all those pebble-stones who were taking a shower-bath in my pee, it felt as if they were cheering and they all seemed like they were all enjoying it..I could see the sparkling floor, I forgot where I was..I started thinking about my life…My life which kind of flowed in the same manner as my pee-stream flowed…with no direction…with no aim…with no interception…I could not control it..I kept on thinking about all the lovers which I ever had…they all claimed something or the other…they all tried to show me some other world…but all those worlds were the same…I stayed the same…they all stayed the same…they all melted and crumbled in the same way…when they dismantled they all looked the same to me…they never had faith in themselves…I never had faith in me…I never had faith in anything except my natural acts..If I could get my routine sleep or my routine yawns or my routine appetite, I felt as if I was the happiest man alive..

I told all those girls who rejected me, I told them that they will regret one day..and when I was peeing I thought this was the day I warned them about. I could not stop peeing…I kept on peeing..I realized that I was standing on some kind of very cheap very small wooden boat..I looked around and there was noone else except me…I kept on peeing..

All I could see was a yellow ocean..I was in the middle of this stinky ocean..I was looking up at the stars..all the stars looked so tragic…they all looked unwanted..they all had something to say but they were not getting their chance…I looked at them in a way which was kind of ‘condescending’ but one star asked me the meaning of that word and I just shook my head and shrugged my shoulders..I forgot the meaning of the word…I forgot the meaning of the meaning-ness..I forgot that I was still peeing…what was happening to me?…it was a very natural thing to do..but somehow it disgusted me…somehow the thought of me peeing in this yellowish ocean under the yellowish sky disgusted me..I had to close my eyes because the yellowish ocean started emitting a golden kind of light…it felt as if the whole ocean had started glowing…and I could feel the shivers in my boat on which I was standing and peeing, started shivering…I could see ripples growing in the ocean..ripples turned into waves and waves started shaking the boat. I kept on peeing..I could see a very strong glowing yellowish wave approaching..I turned my whole body towards it and took a long deep breath…I pee-ed with full force on that huge wave…at the end I had to close my eyes and that wave gulped me and my boat..I stopped peeing…when I opened my eyes, I saw the world glowing as if everything had been made of gold..there were golden trees and golden birds and golden mountains..I could see a golden river, flowing far far away…a golden train was approaching at some golden station..a golden world full of golden hopes and golden rejections.




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